random things

[permetaform]

Random bits of old stuff, revised, revived, renewed...

Eventually one has to make peace with one's own mediocrity.

In some absurd way, I feel like some part of me has already made this peace and then took the pieces and set them on their edge, set them on edge so that I at once feel that I am massively underqualified for any such ambitions and yet. complacent, and satisfied and floating along in a reactionary haze of whateverthefuckdoicare.

It’s like:

Writing and no matter how much I like the end product, I can't help but pick at the edges.

Like fully reveling in a beautiful day, but mourning the lack of clouds.

Like being satisfied with who I am, but peeling up the scabs of memories and heart-pain and worries and poking until my mind feels raw (where it used to be "well done!") and I end up being maybe a little medium-

rare?

I don't think I'm rare though. I've been too burned for that.

Hah. Metaphor with me.

Meta-for me. And what do I resemble?

And name my God who rules my Meta-physical world? Who is my Metatron, my Voice of God?

I can only speak for myself, through a mouthful of cotton and contradictions and conscious note my minds' self-strangulation.

And does that makes me less ordinary?

...

Synthesize the world for me in muscle memory and reap me like the Earth in autumn.

By the furniture of like thought and. I miss the bed and you pick me up off the floor and we laugh togther in a swirl of hari and then gone and in. distinction does not matter with me knowing we are but human and become more human together and see with me what exactly we are we speak, apeak and create this world around ourselves bricked by words and so wall ourselves off, create both doors and barriers between our persons, and hide the keys like easter eggs and treasured trash.

Its simply safer that way, and you trust that I will let you in.

[]

oooooo, the manips...they's calling to me...so shiiiiiiny.

minor quibble: blood is awful fickle to splatter appropriately. and damn if the angle isn't working out.

yet.

::determined expression::

(oh. umm guede_mazaka?? you don't mind a little blood on your wallpaper, yes?)

[]

note: too. much. fic. to read. ::runs around like a happy headless chicken::

[]

note: too. much. fic. to write. ::squawks::

brainsporker eating my brain, mythic potc ot3 eating my brain, the Crossover That Shouldn't Happen is eating my brain, the Rewrite is eating my brain, and that's not even counting the ones on the BACKBURNER. godDAMMIT.

I have no brain left.

Family is commenting on my spaciness.

askjdhfjkahsulsajhdf, will they just PLEASE leave me be so I can mentally choreograph pr0n, pretty please?

[]

oh, new Invisible Man fic because of the yuletide thing, and new Eroica and Good Omens and Shanghai Noon and Cowboy Bebop...

::is happy at the rareslash::

[]

Speaking of Cowboy Bebop... (watched episodes during long ass trip to and from Utah)

Damn but I *love* it when assuming slash makes the plot and dialogue make more sense.

Actually, I plain fucking LOVE subtext. I love it both in media and in a well-written piece of denial or a fic with several backstories that's never referred to directly.

Love it; partially because it's like sleuthing out the context, partially because it's like an inside joke, partially possibly even because I feel smarter for figuring out the subtext. ::hangs head::

Whatever the case, I LOVE it when things are referred to sideways and is one of the reasons why I love the_dala's "Catch of the Day" series. Bubbly and light and all of the good.

[]

oh! and got hairbeads. Am very very very very very pleased. They click when I turn my head and they're silvery and with iridescent blue beads and they're so lovely subtle shiny and. yes. ::clamps firmly down on the squee. firmly.::

[]

speaking of which:

linaelyn issued a lovely fandom-wide challenge to connect yourselves to the Sea on New Year's Day.

I LOVE this idea, to somehow get to a body of water or stand in the rain or get to the snow (or at *least* a faucet) and to know that, elsewhere, somewhere, others are connecting to you, through you, with you to this great love of this element and this concept of freedom and the joy and the laughter that this fandom has given us and captured us with a simple "Bring me that horizon..."

Comments

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

::is happy at the rareslash::

Just read the Butch'n'Sundance one. *happy smile*

Gina

[rhipowered.livejournal.com]

Thanks for linking that post...excellent idea.

[guede-mazaka.livejournal.com]

Blood? Every single one of my Sands muses is walking around with ravaged throats, and you're asking me if I mind a little blood?

Bring it on, baby. Whatever you come up with, I'm sure I'll love it. And I think I mentioned this before, but Trio 2 and Trio 3 have been posted.

[lasergirl.livejournal.com]

**eats your brain**

I was just looking for you, actually, to go and mutter sweet nothings into your ear about The Crossover Who Shall Not Be Named. You have me for two and a half more days, or thereabouts, and then eternally after New Year's.

SO! What will it be, eh?

(p.s. computer's *mostly* fixed now. Thank Fucking God, cause I was dying there for a while.)

[penm.livejournal.com]

note: too. much. fic. to write. ::squawks::

Writing is good. Right now I'm working on TEH SANDS EPIC that was originally meant to be about a page long and has stretched on till about 15 pages. Probably the longest fic I've ever written. And it's taking me bloody aeons and also the characterization is driving me nuts and Sands is somehow cruel and yet so emotional and ARGH I am ripping out huge chunks of hair. So I hope your fic goes well. So yeah, good luck, godspeed, etc, etc. *blows kisses*

Damn but I *love* it when assuming slash makes the plot and dialogue make more sense.

Actually, I plain fucking LOVE subtext. I love it both in media and in a well-written piece of denial or a fic with several backstories that's never referred to directly.

I just assume slash now with everything. Books, songs, etc. Everything. It's just... so... amusing. :D

I LOVE this idea, to somehow get to a body of water or stand in the rain or get to the snow (or at *least* a faucet) and to know that, elsewhere, somewhere, others are connecting to you, through you, with you to this great love of this element and this concept of freedom and the joy and the laughter that this fandom has given us and captured us with a simple "Bring me that horizon..."

That is so beautiful. Unfortunately, no snow for us here because Canada is not being herself. Of course if all goes well then I will be hot tubbing, so I suppose that counts for something...?

:D

[enomine.livejournal.com]

Eventually one has to make peace with one's own mediocrity.

So true. I used to think that everyone has their own unique way of impacting the world around them. I was shown I was wrong one to many times.

Like fully reveling in a beautiful day, but mourning the lack of clouds.

But what do you do when your ability to revel as well as mourn seems to have disappeared?

[permetaform]

after New Years I'm afraid, but I'll working on stuff on the car ride so...::grins::

::hugs::

[permetaform]

I used to think that everyone has their own unique way of impacting the world around them.

they do tho, m'dear, just in smaller ways than one might wish, because The Grand Gesture often ends up smacking people in the face...

as to the loss of the ability to revel?

(...okay, I'm going to give some advice that's going to sound majorly 'off' but it has worked for me...)

fake it. fake it till it bleeds if need be. Because either in the midst of faking I find the silver lining and/or fake becomes real, or it forces me to hit rock bottom all the faster and harder and forces me out of the rut.,,

Re: ::hugs::

[enomine.livejournal.com]

Well, it's a better plan than I've got, so I'll take that advice.

And smacking people in the face is always good for amusement.

[lasergirl.livejournal.com]

righteo then!

*snogs*

[berne.livejournal.com]

*waves* You friended me and so thought I'd drop by to say hello.

...connect yourselves to the Sea on New Year's Day.

What a wonderful idea. I can imagine myself getting emotional over something like that. Might have to bring the Kleenex. :D