The Emperor's New Clothes

[permetaform]

The Emperor's New Clothes

.o0o.

AN: KakaNaruKaka. Naruto's 23ish? Hijinks. Thanks to romantiscue for audiencing and Wingwyrm for pinging me onto Iruka! XD

Warnings: None, pretty much gen.

.o0o.

Iruka.

Sandaime-sama. ...is there something wrong?

I appreciate the thought, and your kindness, but would have to ask you to cease and desist.

But it's just—

That's an order.

Hokage-sama, with all due respect, I can't take him out shopping?

.o0o.

"No Naruto, you need to get new clothes."

"Whyyyy," he whines, seriously he hates shopping, hated it ever since he was little and Jii-san dragged him to what seemed like every single store in Konoha.

"Idiot." Sakura grabs his arms and pulls him forward, "We're not gonna let our Hokage look stupid. Here, try this on." And shoves several blue shirts at him.

He grimaces and puts them back; blue makes him look prissy and Konoha does not need a prissy-looking Hokage either. Also, why was she giving him more than one shirt! They all look the same!

"It's kinda stupid how strong you are when you still don't know how to even dress yourself," Ino mutters with disgust, "Honestly, that shade of orange washes you out so much that the black doesn't even help much. And everything you wear sags on you!"

"I'm surprised that you two haven't thrown out his clothes yet," Kiba jeers, who'd mostly come along to watch Naruto's humiliation.

"Actually, I have," Sakura mutters.

"Hey, you too?" Ino pokes at her, and she shrugs.

"Yeah, I figured he'd come whining to me and I could take him out for clothes."

"I just thought that anything else would be better." Ino blew at her bangs, "but he just showed up the next day with the same outfit."

"Eeh?" When the hell...?

"Hey Naruto, how'd you get them back?" Ino peers at him.

"Yeah, how did you find them?" Sakura swings him around to stare, "You're not exactly the best tracker."

"They were missing?" He asks cluelessly.

Both girls just smack their heads, then look at each other and chorus, "Naruto."

They return to browsing.

Oh hey. Naruto picks up the t-shirt and pokes at Sakura, "What about this?"

"You can't be serious."

"It's a 'different' orange! I thought Ino just said that shades matter!"

"You were listening?" "It's still the same color!"

Ino doesn't need a reply 'cause she's just silly if she thinks Naruto isn't awesome enough to multitask; and as for Sakura, "Hey! Orange is an awesome color."

"Yeah, if you want to blind people."

Naruto catches sight of Neji passing by and hauls him into the shop, and Hinata-chan follows her cousin in. Clearly if anyone knows anything about seeing things it'd be Hyuuga, "Hinata, Neji, do I blind you?"

They blink at him in that spacey way that Hyuuga do. It kinda makes them look dumb and makes Naruto worry a bit about their clan inbreeding too much; it's something he's going to have to look into when he officially gets the hat.

"...it would make it easier to keep track of Hokage-sama." Neji finally says.

Hinata whispers something like, "You'd always blind me Naruto," but that can't be right.

"There's more orange in that shop over there," Kakashi points out helpfully.

Gyah!

It's only with a lot of training and exposure to his sneaky jerk of a sensei that Naruto doesn't jump. Shikamaru totally pops his head out from behind the pylon to stare in surprise though. (He's fairly sure the guy's stalking Ino ever since he'd heard that Sai complimented her. It's kinda cute.)

"Thanks!" Naruto cheers and goes over to check.

"Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing?" Knuckles crack.

"He likes orange?" the man weakly replies, and Naruto bets if he sees the white-haired nin that he'd have that wince-y smile on his face. Well, quarter of a face.

"We're trying to get him to look better! Stop encouraging him!"

"A-aa..."

Heh, let him deal with the girls, Naruto thinks, and riffles through the pile of orange. Hmm, Ino talked like the black was good. How about...

.o0o.

No, Iruka, you can't take him shopping.

But- But why?

...

...

...National Security.

What?

.o0o.

Naruto finds himself eventually with a compromise, black tank top with thin orange stripes down the sides, elbow-length armored mesh gloves, and low-slung dark burnt orange pants.

"I feel like my pants are gonna fall off." Naruto squirms a little, stretching. "And are these supposed to be this tight?"

"Y-yes." Sakura stutters.

"Holy god yes." Ino enthuses, wildly red.

Naruto would think that whatever weird thing Hinata's got was catching except Hinata's pretty much frozen and pale instead of red and stuttery.

DOINK.

"HAHA, god Kiba," Naruto crows, "Elite ninja my ASS; what sorta shinobi runs into a POLE?"

Naruto forgives the civilians though, it's not like they've as much training, and people seem to be tripping a lot today. He bets Konohamaru's playing some prank or other, he should go yell at him for not inviting Naruto along.

.o0o.

When Naruto had been fifteen, and learning nature chakra, Kakashi had realized there was a problem. It was even, he'd thought ruefully, glancing down at the hard-on straining his parts, a somewhat bigger than average problem. It was a very surprisingly hot, wet, and half-naked student kind of problem, the kind that was its very own half-naked harem. The kind of problem that turn straight men sideways, Kakashi had thought, glancing at 'Tenzou'.

"Tenzou, concentrate."

"I am," came the distracted reply.

"On your jutsu."

"Oh. Right."

Clearly the Sandaime was on to something when he'd picked the boy's clothes. Their shade of orange was that sort of radioactive color that seemed to move when stared at for more than a second, jiggling up and down. It was the type of color that gave you a headache and yelled in your ear and stayed in your eye no matter how much you wanted to forget it.

It was possibly why the blond liked it so much. (It was probably why Kakashi liked it so much too.)

It's also, clearly, very vital to Kakashi's Long Term Plans to keep Naruto in that orange for a little while longer. 'Cause otherwise 'problems' other than his might go 'knocking' on the boy's 'door'.

So to speak.

(Its not that the Copy Nin does not have any hopes and dreams, he does. However they all involve sex and porn and are thus completely inappropriate for young and might-not-even-make-genin ears.)

.o0o.

Kakashi now follows the small parade of the younger generation of nin, though it wasn't difficult. They were leaving a wrecked trail of shocked villagers, civilian and ninja both.

Even in Naruto's group, Sakura and Ino's mouths have not yet really fully closed. The Hyuuga... well, Hinata appears to be trying desperately not to pass out, if only so she could stare longer, and Neji's discreetly wiping his nose. Kiba appears to be having a crisis of sexuality and Shikamaru looks less bored and more thoughtful, while Chouji, who've just arrived, has just dropped his chips. And those were only Naruto's year.

Izumo's pulling Kotetsu in for a closer look, and he could swear that's Genma shadowing the group. He even catches sight of several ANBU, who probably drifted by to check out the disturbance, not leaving like they were supposed to.

Kakashi looks around dully, miffed, sighs. And slips forward rapidly, taking the extra two steps way, way into the blond's personal space. He reaches out to curl his gloved hand over Naruto's shoulder and catches those blue eyes.

"You're really leaving me with no choice are you? I'd wanted to take it slow."

"Whu—?"

"They were very creative with their repeated attempts at throwing out your old clothes," he mutters then perks up, "Luckily I found the wholesale suppliers."

"You what?"

"And its too easy getting into your apartment. You are either really oblivious or really trusting," he takes a look at Naruto's face. "Maybe both," he amends.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto blinks at him, but still doesn't seem to understand. Or to move away.

"I'm probably being too subtle for you," he sighs.

And Kakashi tugs at his mask.

.o0o.

Naruto opens his mouth to retort in reply but the words skitter to a stop in his throat as he watches Kakashi pull his mask down to his chin, in the middle of the fucking street, in front of the Saturday market.

Everything seems to go quiet. Then he realizes that its because everyone in the street did, actually, shut up for once, to gape.

He's fucking gorgeous, Naruto thinks vaguely, as the silver-haired man leans in and pauses, looking at him closely. He finds his breathing become very shaky.

Oh god, Naruto thinks, he's going to kiss me, and the blond can't seem to make himself move away. Or to stop looking.

Kakashi hums and catches at his open mouth in a shallow kiss, lips gently caressing his, but going no deeper. It was lingering. It was calm. It was patient.

It was.

During their training journey, Jiraiya had pushed him at several girls to dinner and date and bring back to his room, for purposes of training (and your own 'research', the toad sage had said with a leer.) And Naruto found it much like the pervy-sage's books: kinda boring. He'd figured it was because none of them were Sakura.

He wonders, muzzily, if he isn't entirely off about that, breath short, senses tingling, amazed.

Kakashi gives a teasing lick to his lower lip and leans back, and Naruto finds himself following, just a bit, but stops himself, face feeling really hot. The man looks at him for a moment.

"Ramen?" he then asks, cheerily.

Naruto thinks he agrees, probably. Gorgeous. And fucking hell the guy just kissed him. (Kiss him back, kiss him back! his dick demands.)

Kakashi turns to glare at the street in general, very dangerous looking, bare-faced and ridiculously beautiful.

"Dibs." he states, firmly, and loud enough to carry.

"Eeeeh?"

"Well, do you mind?" The silver-haired man turns to him with an eyebrow raised in question.

Naruto attempts to think about it very seriously. But its kinda hard with that face fuckinghell looking at him. "You're paying for the ramen," he states finally, mustering all of the control that he'd scrounged up over the years, "And I get to call 'dibs' back."

"Fair enough."

Nobody moves, as they leave for Ichiraku, shocky. Meh, they'll get over it, Naruto thinks virtuously, it's not like they'd just kissed the guy and had to scrape their brains off the pavement.

.o0o.

Iruka skids into the market. Takes a look around, and grabs Sakura by the shoulders.

"You took him SHOPPING?" he yells, shaking her.

.o0o.

end.

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AN: lololololol. XD Both foxwife, at the same time. I was laughing so hard as I was writing this... though I dunno if the humor translated? Did I make you laugh too? =D

If you have a request for a KakaNaru one-shot either in this universe or in another, give me a prompt/idea and I'll see what I can do with it. I'll credit you with the concept if I end up posting it.