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Title: Five Things That Happened Afterward
Fandom: Saiyuki
Summary: They won, of course, sorta kinda, yes really.
1- shot
II) shelled
[thr'] cracks
four. loaded
5, bullets
Fandom: Saiyuki
Summary: They won, of course, sorta kinda, yes really.
1- shot
It ended, like things do. They sat in the jeep. The jeep drove away. The castle was rubble.
In the ruins, a brother lay, failed, gutted, broken in half. The stones still carry echoes of the crack. His sword still breathed nearby, with its eye looking upward in surprise, with maybe a hint of.
In a hallway she, what was left of her after the skin was blasted off after she stumbled forward blood running from everywhere, everywhere, staining what was left of the two tails of her hair red, so red, she apologized with one breath, and left him on the next.
In a chamber he stood like stone, parent pulverized around him, ribbons with letters fluttering around him like streamers, or fireworks, his mouth shut on the fire he would yell back, trapped in rock and rock and rock.
In a tube, she probably still lay contained. Possibly rotting. Ch. Easiest way to stop something is to cut the power; the bullet snapped through the glass, through the liquid, through her skull. The green squirted out of the vial that held her until the fluid fell to the level of the bullet hole, it slowly grew shadowed with red. Her eyes fell open and she uncurled a bit; she did not reach out to him, she was just dying.
He turned away. Collected the rest and they destroyed the half-alive shell of demon-king and the crunches of the armor collapsing in on itself wasn't nearly enough. Sanzo left with too many sutras on his shoulders, and none spoken because he refuses to say them for the dead.
II) shelled
Their jeep faced east, they knew for sure when the sun peeked awake, and they were able to see a small family (half of a family really; a mother, two children) straggling eastward too, on the road. They gave them a ride, Gojyo teased the kids and Goku didn't ask about their jewelry though he really really wanted to.
At the next town, Sanzo became stubborn, finally, and Hakkai bothered being cloyingly sweet and she, the mother, was eventually allowed to prove that she could weave.
Hakkai started cooking again, that night. Jeep approved, stopped when it next recognized a traveler, and didn't start again until Sanzo let the lanky disheveled boy catch a ride to the next town. The chatter from the back was soft, but steady.
[thr'] cracks
Soon the fields turned as gold as Sanzo's hair and at the next town they stopped, it begged all for extra hands (all extra hands; the land was healing). Sanzo drank tea, and watched while the rest of them clambered around in the branches of the orchard around him. Bunch of monkeys, all of them. Occasionally Goku would drop by a basket, sometimes pressing a new piece of fruit into Sanzo's hand. The last time, the peach was so ripe it split a little as he caught it and Goku darted in before he could do anything and licked the juice up from between his fingers before bounding away with a new basket. Sanzo's mouth felt too sweet, and the day was too hot.
four. loaded
Gojyo and Hakkai were once tapped for ox-duty in the fields, dragging the harvest rakes behind them under the hot sun and Gojyo ribbed Hakkai good-naturedly as he left him behind because human is human, and youkai is youkai, and (with a glint) three bits of metal fell as the youkai more than caught up and a kappa's mouth grew dry. The wheat was tall enough, and people at the next field over just smiled when they appeared with their bushels in hand and straw bits stuck in random places. (Goku asked pesky questions the next day; and to Sanzo's consternation, Hakkai answered. Gojyo hid his face behind a beer can.)
5, bullets
Hakkai at one point asked Sanzo why he did not choose an automatic, knowing Sanzo's preference for efficiency. Goku replied that it was so he could concentrate on each one; he feels Sanzo's feeling, on each one, and he plucks a bit of metal almost randomly from the cliff side they walked along and they saw it for a bullet, aged.
This is how you know we're going home, Goku says cheerily.
Like breadcrumbs, Gojyo laughed. Does that make Sanzo Greta?
Shots ring out and both Gojyo and Goku laughs and runs, Hakkai hurrying a little to keep up, dragon wrapped around him, listening to the valley which is filled with screamed echoes and startled birds and trees getting ready for spring.
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And yes, I think I was writing this almost like I vid, and the thing with vids is that it mostly works on a subconscious level (which, I guess, makes it hard to fb, and oh wow, that just gave me more to think about, thank you!).
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Which reminds me that I'm weeks overdue on offering you feedback on that Saiyuki vid that you posted a while back that completely blew my socks off and I keep thinking about it since then and I really need to try to collect those thoughts and reactions and type them out for you, but again it's difficult because it's so powerful on a subconscious level as you say, and I'm much more used to offering feedback from the conscious parts of my brain that can analyse and identify things with much more concreteness before I fell confident about communicating them. *^_^*
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And don't stress about the Saiyuki vid feedback if it's not coming or something =) I'm just glad to hear that it worked for you. If nothing else, one of the major reasons I write fb for vids it that the process helps me 'talk out' my thoughts on the vid so copy-pasting it as feedback is realtively easy and I know that other people don't have the same process so it's more of a hassle for them to send feedback. So is all good. =)
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grammer + me = S&M
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If the subject is a noun that can be counted, or there is more than one singular noun as the subject (like two names here), or is a plural noun like "sisters" or "club members" then use a plural form of the verb, eg "my sisters are annoying" and "Gojyo and Goku laugh and run."
Or such is how I learned it. ~_^
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The reasoning is that when you have subject composed of a list of items, that is, a compound subject, then the entirety of the verb (compound, helping, or simple) has to agree with the last subject listed. This is why when you have a sentence that contains clauses in its subject, it always feels more comfortable to rearrange to put something "simpler" right before the joint between subject and verb.
All of this also works with and applies to inverted syntax (verb before subject) but it is easier to explain in standard syntax.
Sooo....hope I helped. ^^;
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Or, leave the "both," and mentally cut out the names. "Both run and laugh," instead of "Both runs and laughs." Might make it easier to see the problem...*shrug*
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...sorry to talk down/be obnoxious, i really didn't mean to. T^T *hides*
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When you say "Gojyo and Goku laughs and runs" my brain stops on the singular tense of the verb, decides that only one of them is doing it, attaches it to the nearest singular subject "Goku" and thinks of the phrase as "Shots ring out ... and Goku laughs and runs..." and then it temporarily doesn't understand the "and both Gojyo" part and tries to leave it out.
Which is really overanalysing what really only takes a split second in my brain before my brain reinterprets it as "Shots ring out and Gojyo and Goku laugh and run" and then it immediately understands the meaning and forgets that there was even a glitch because the story is so powerful. (It only popped back out at me again when I was reading over it a fourth or fifth time to see if I had more feedback to offer.)
I do get what you mean though about sometimes what's grammatically correct just doesn't sound right. I had a lot of those arguments with my own writing lately, when I was trying to write from Goujun's point of view and use very strict grammar rules rather than the relaxed rules of modern speech -- such as no dangling participles (not ending a sentence with "to" or "with" etc) and always putting "however" after the subject instead of at the beginning of a sentence -- various grammatical and stylistic things that are technically "the right way" and yet are sometimes too awkward or just don't sound right if done "correctly," and so I was often required to change the whole sentence around to avoid the issue. And other times I just decided to break the rules rather than break the flow.
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