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Supposedly there perhaps are social niceity filters that everyone has, I don't have the original link to this theory, in which most people have them filtering everything they SAY, and geeks (in partial defense against all the bashing they listen to) have it filtering everything they HEAR.
Ponder that for a moment.
Connect it to liberalism, perhaps, or perhaps lj drama.
Where is the line for discussion? Where is the line that separates critique from comment? Or even communication from threat?
Welcome to LJ, where even our fundamental basis for communication is challenged. And not that this isn't a lovely thing, but...sometimes there isn't the energy for it.
Critique, granted, never stops hurting; there should be a good way to present it however.
Communication, granted, is always difficult; different minds, different situations, different backgrounds.
Passive aggressiveness, granted, is somehow necessary. But by it's very application probably more aggravating for the practicer of passive aggression than the one being practiced on.
Is zen for a moment.
Is also rambling.
Has realized that communication issues is very much an Issue, for me. It's that horrible Alone In A Crowd feeling, and you see that connection is *possible*, somehow, but you can never quite touch it. It's there, behind some sort of glass, invisible, and you're scrabbling at it but you can't get a grip and the people on the other side are simply looking at you as if you're somehow dangerous.
Impossibly tounge-tied nerd, am I.
Impossibly lisping dork, am I.
Impossibly obessive geek, am I.
I've discovered, that to increase my opportunities for being happy, that I should express my happiness whenever this occurs.
However, I have a phenomenal fear of expression, of presentation or of self-presentation, a history of hating my voice and being horribly self-conscious, and horribly aware that I'm probably making a fool of myself, and and and really, it all ties up together, eh?
But...whatever fear it is, that connection, that possibility of finding someone to be happy about the same things you are, to meta and to connect in the meta, to squee about fandom and have someone squee back, to be in love (with a person or music or media or an idea) and get: you too?
Is that not worth it? To express yourself and to maybe perhaps connect?
Happiness is, perhaps, essentially tied up in fear. Is it worth it to live constantly afraid?
Perhaps. perhaps.
Talk to me in ten years; as of now, I refuse to live being sad.
Ponder that for a moment.
Connect it to liberalism, perhaps, or perhaps lj drama.
Where is the line for discussion? Where is the line that separates critique from comment? Or even communication from threat?
Welcome to LJ, where even our fundamental basis for communication is challenged. And not that this isn't a lovely thing, but...sometimes there isn't the energy for it.
Critique, granted, never stops hurting; there should be a good way to present it however.
Communication, granted, is always difficult; different minds, different situations, different backgrounds.
Passive aggressiveness, granted, is somehow necessary. But by it's very application probably more aggravating for the practicer of passive aggression than the one being practiced on.
Is zen for a moment.
Is also rambling.
Has realized that communication issues is very much an Issue, for me. It's that horrible Alone In A Crowd feeling, and you see that connection is *possible*, somehow, but you can never quite touch it. It's there, behind some sort of glass, invisible, and you're scrabbling at it but you can't get a grip and the people on the other side are simply looking at you as if you're somehow dangerous.
Impossibly tounge-tied nerd, am I.
Impossibly lisping dork, am I.
Impossibly obessive geek, am I.
I've discovered, that to increase my opportunities for being happy, that I should express my happiness whenever this occurs.
However, I have a phenomenal fear of expression, of presentation or of self-presentation, a history of hating my voice and being horribly self-conscious, and horribly aware that I'm probably making a fool of myself, and and and really, it all ties up together, eh?
But...whatever fear it is, that connection, that possibility of finding someone to be happy about the same things you are, to meta and to connect in the meta, to squee about fandom and have someone squee back, to be in love (with a person or music or media or an idea) and get: you too?
Is that not worth it? To express yourself and to maybe perhaps connect?
Happiness is, perhaps, essentially tied up in fear. Is it worth it to live constantly afraid?
Perhaps. perhaps.
Talk to me in ten years; as of now, I refuse to live being sad.
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Well said.
There is this: fnadom does have slack. Like this: having been reading you and occasionally interacting for some time now, I like you a lot. And because I like you a lot, there is slack. If we have a miscommunication or a disagreement, I won't just write you off, because I have reason to like you and trust you and perservere until we get back to the even keel.
As long as we give each other slack, it's easier in practice than it is in theory.
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Usually, I'd agree with that, but I had a certain occasion verrrrry recently where I totally abandoned an opinion of a friend, because we had a falling-out due to me not being able to trust her anymore. And I'd been friends with her for five years, and I just wrote her off. Sometimes, it's the best way to handle it.
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I don't think LJ was ever intended as a forum for discussion, it seemed to evolve that way as media fandom abandoned lists for LJ. I really dislike LJ, overall. Its programming makes it difficult to follow threads and attempts at discussion.
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That goes both ways too -- it's good to enjoy watching others squee about their stuff as well.
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okay, rambly nonsense heavy on IMHO:
- everyone can and will make mistakes. It's not about who you are, but it proves you're not stuck on a hamster wheel.
- everyone can scare the hell out of the others and make them strike back in self-defence. It's not about who you are (it's really mostly about them, what they are comfortable with and how they take it from the world), but it proves that you're someone.
- and yes, being passive-aggressive is like trying to stab someone with a knife handle while holding onto the blade. Never worth it.
What really is about who you are, when you dig deeper? It's like with dating. This is my desire. This is the object of my desire. Let them have at it. Self tents fingers, leans back, observes, amused.
In the end, to borrow from Sanzo, it's all for you and it's all about you, and that's the ultimate freedom. Even if some doors will close for whatever reason, it was never about them. It's about your happiness ^_^
/rambly nonsense
Hey, you do know you're, like, our hero and stuff? Just checking.
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I have an annoying nervous system. It gives me dry heaves whenever I'm really stressed, and on occasion I've puked just because I'm frantically worried/terrified about what I'm about to do. If I were just living for my health, I wouldn't do any of those things. But then I'd be really bored, to say the least.
*hugs* Thou art not alone in thy travails.[/end fake archaic speech]
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Yeah, hi, at thirteen, people said I was rat-faced girl with a piggy, ski jump nose who "washed her hair in Crisco." Also at that age, I wasn't a BNF, but I was a "regular" in the Hanson fandom, and people recognized my name. I had a site at one of the most coveted domains... and I was cool because I was me, not because I was some greasy, rat-faced teen.
But I guess it has gotten more cliquey and everyone wants to be a critic, because there's a whole lot more people online than there were in 1998. Everyone wants to be a BNF and is willing to sling mud to get there. Criticism doesn't bother me so much anymore, because it was flung at me all through middle school and high school (good God, the crap everyone says about you if you get a prime role in the spring play!), and I guess... Online criticism isn't nearly as hard as hearing some friend giving you shit about something extremely stupid. I don't know. Sometimes certain criticisms make my blood boil over the littlest things, but I've always been like that... I get worked up over everything, heh.
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The real world? Another story. But here, I think you don't have much to worry about, especially if what you want to do is express your happiness. There is no way I can imagine you making enemies because of that.
Squee away!
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Yeah, it is worth it to try and reach out, I think. Cliche though it is, I find I regret things I didn't say more than things I did. It's amazing the number of times too, that I thought I was making a fool of myself, happily or not, and I found out later that someone I would never have suspected was looking at me and envying my foolish freedom. Did that make any sense?
So, this passive-aggressive geek says: Go be as happy as you want! The connections will take care of themselves from there.
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::hugs::