ker-punk! (and SGA)

came back from bascon safely with spaggel and lierdumoa, had an absolute blast there, I was sad that fashes wasn't able to make it for Sunday but rl woes and ::HUGS:: dude. It was wonderful meeting mos_self (who is neat and engaging and tells great stories) esp since we passed by each other last year to my great dismay and sidewinder (who makes *shiny* earrings and necklaces and is just neat, I'm afraid I might've spazzed a bit at you ::hangs head::).

The vidshow went great! I had an awesome time color-tweaking and sound adjusting and vid-squeeing with morganlogan and the show went off without a hitch. I was so glad and relieved that it went off well and heard no complaints about the image quality or sound (beyond what was inherent in the source, such as Pros, or the perculiarities of the music itself, such as difficult-to-hear lyrics). Awesome programming on the part of morgandawn, in fact the con DVDs sold out 20 minutes after the vid-show ended.

[note: if you'd like to get a DVD, please contact ladyjax@livejournal.com. She'll let you know what's up, however please be understanding that she's doing alot of con wrap-up right now, and has to get at least 20 interested people before another order can be made.]

The panels were fun, shortfic!panel was a great conversation, crackfic!panel was a hoot, darkfic!panel let me know that apparently I'm on the darker range of things except that I don't really care for "dark"...which, let me explain. I was pretty much unsquicked by everything that got mentioned (with the exception of Michael Jackson porn, which, come to think of it, is really undead non-con idol-mentor!slash chan...and really, the mentor!slash aspect of it disturbes me more than anything else, but that's more because of my personal ideas about learning and knowledge)---aaaaaand I got sidetracked.

Oh! Darkfic! See, hell, one of my first producing fandoms is Once Upon a Time in Mexico, involving eye-gouging and other forms of permanent scarring; pain, I think, is sometimes deeply wonderful. But I love it best when I know and recognize who the torture is enacted upon (hence my need for adequate characterization) and I love it best when the physical pain is not gratuitous, and by gratuitous I mean that the pain is not just physical because the body can *heal*. The mind, however, is a trickier object; and not always cured by the magical butt-sex. Also, it doesn't hurt that the mind is more easily accessible by the written word, while the physical body is less so.

I was having a conversation with lierdumoa and she mentioned how she really really loves a good mindfuck, and most often they occur by methods that would be considered dark which is similar to me. Like for example, I really like non-con in fic, but I wouldn't bother reading a non-con!fic. In a sort of similar way, I adore darkness in my fics, but I like them in context of pushing these characters closer and closer to (and sometimes straight over into) that yawning abyss of the soul.

...Which is part of why I love SGA so much I think, because these very human characters are pushed to their limits in ways that are rare.

( Speaking of SGA )

; I've been browsing SGA meta, 'cause that's what I do when there's no new eps, and came across this lovely Weir essay by saeva that analyzes Weir's character from the standpoint of SG-1 going into SGA. It makes an absolute beautiful amount of sense to me because not only does it explain what the writers might have been doing with their portrayal of Weir, but also helps explain how she is keeping SGA civilian, because not only does she have the political and economic backing of the world governments, but also because she's a *negotiator* first and foremost.

Weir, by saeva's explanation, is not a leader-diplomat, nor a diplomat-leader, she is trained and hired as a third-party negotiator. She is NOT a traditional leader-type, nor was she written to be, nor was she designed to be. Which means that during the course of SGA she's (at least in her mind) in the role of a third-party negotiator/translator between the military and scientific contingents with just enough paper-authority to pull a bit of rank.

Thus, any auxiliary power/pull of authority she might have during the course of the expedition? Is entirely due to her own talents and the respect that she earns from people. And from that point of view isn't it awesome that she's able to for the most part diffuse Sheppard's more anti-authority tendancies₁ and McKay's contraryness₂?

<sub>1 (which I think is more tied with Sheppard's Issues regarding the let-people-die-for-the-"Greater-Good" and the damn-military-is-being-inefficient,-the-'tards, than anything else)

2 (which I think is also tied to McKay's military = inefficient idiots complaint as well as with respect/courtesy that is given to him)</sub>

With McKay as the loudest (or perhaps the most technically qualified as compared to Beckett?) head science officer and with Sheppard as ranking military officer, had Atlantis's head been attempted by anybody with less negotiation skills or *especially* by anyone with more traditional leadership tendancies...wow. ::cringe:: Not only would there be head-butting with Sheppard and McKay, but even if the leader did have them under "control" they would be operating at far far less than their optimal efficiency. Which means for Atlantis and Earth, Can you say happy-meals on legs?

This is not to say that Weir hasn't been slowly gaining more and more leadership qualities; but it's a leadership that's very different from one which would arise from a structure such as a military hierarchy. AND MORE POWER TO HER for that, and for keeping Atlantis civilian based!

God, one of the reasons I was pulled into Atlantis was the concept of Atlantis itself...because of the sea and the sky and let me just tell you now that I came from the Pirates of the Caribbean fandom, from the pirates side. I come from the side of the fandom that fell in love when Jack Sparrow sang of his ship to Elizabeth, where,

"It’s not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs.

But what a ship is...what the Black Pearl really is...

Is freedom."

And and and...I know that the sea makes me explode with illogical and irrational love. To me, the place where the sea and the sky meet is where magic happens, it is change and rebirth and resurrection. It's the surface of a Stargate, it's the place of possibility, it's freedom.

To have the military be in control of this? To have military of any sort be it army, air force, marine, or navy, be in control of the sea and the sky and just ::CRINGE:: GOD. ::shuddershudder FLAIL::

Every episode that I've seen so far lets me trust the writers; enough that 'Home' was just as disturbing to me as it was probably designed to have been, because I trusted and believed that something was *wrong*, that the "Earth" felt *wrong*, and that it wasn't just TPTB mis-writing and abusing the show. Because I think the writers truly love the show, and I think they understand the fans. Or at least they are very At One with the themes that hit me hard in the gut. They are very At One with this little fangirl (and pardon my puddles of squee ;D)

And Atlantis! God, because the original myth?

Atlantis was a city that sank because of its own corruption.

There are shady Ancients somewhere in there I think, and I'm not sure what it is or how it's going to show up but it's gonna be *big* and it's gonna be *devastating* and I can't *wait*.

Because, in the end, Atlantis is a city reborn, Atlantis is a city risen, Atlantis is a city that is perhaps redeemed by the love and care that Sheppard and McKay and Weir and Zelenka and Teyla and all the others lavish upon it and each other within. It's a rocky love affair, the one between the city and it's inhabitants, and there's mistakes and betrayals and attacks, and it will *hurt* at times, it will.

But there will be joy, too, and laughter, and the brilliant magic, that occurs at the kiss of the sea with the sky.