[saiyuki fic] Five Things That Happened Afterward

[permetaform]

Title: Five Things That Happened Afterward
Fandom: Saiyuki
Summary: They won, of course, sorta kinda, yes really.

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1- shot

It ended, like things do. They sat in the jeep. The jeep drove away. The castle was rubble.

In the ruins, a brother lay, failed, gutted, broken in half. The stones still carry echoes of the crack. His sword still breathed nearby, with its eye looking upward in surprise, with maybe a hint of.

In a hallway she, what was left of her after the skin was blasted off after she stumbled forward blood running from everywhere, everywhere, staining what was left of the two tails of her hair red, so red, she apologized with one breath, and left him on the next.

In a chamber he stood like stone, parent pulverized around him, ribbons with letters fluttering around him like streamers, or fireworks, his mouth shut on the fire he would yell back, trapped in rock and rock and rock.

In a tube, she probably still lay contained. Possibly rotting. Ch. Easiest way to stop something is to cut the power; the bullet snapped through the glass, through the liquid, through her skull. The green squirted out of the vial that held her until the fluid fell to the level of the bullet hole, it slowly grew shadowed with red. Her eyes fell open and she uncurled a bit; she did not reach out to him, she was just dying.

He turned away. Collected the rest and they destroyed the half-alive shell of demon-king and the crunches of the armor collapsing in on itself wasn't nearly enough. Sanzo left with too many sutras on his shoulders, and none spoken because he refuses to say them for the dead.

II) shelled

Their jeep faced east, they knew for sure when the sun peeked awake, and they were able to see a small family (half of a family really; a mother, two children) straggling eastward too, on the road. They gave them a ride, Gojyo teased the kids and Goku didn't ask about their jewelry though he really really wanted to.

At the next town, Sanzo became stubborn, finally, and Hakkai bothered being cloyingly sweet and she, the mother, was eventually allowed to prove that she could weave.

Hakkai started cooking again, that night. Jeep approved, stopped when it next recognized a traveler, and didn't start again until Sanzo let the lanky disheveled boy catch a ride to the next town. The chatter from the back was soft, but steady.

[thr'] cracks

Soon the fields turned as gold as Sanzo's hair and at the next town they stopped, it begged all for extra hands (all extra hands; the land was healing). Sanzo drank tea, and watched while the rest of them clambered around in the branches of the orchard around him. Bunch of monkeys, all of them. Occasionally Goku would drop by a basket, sometimes pressing a new piece of fruit into Sanzo's hand. The last time, the peach was so ripe it split a little as he caught it and Goku darted in before he could do anything and licked the juice up from between his fingers before bounding away with a new basket. Sanzo's mouth felt too sweet, and the day was too hot.

four. loaded

Gojyo and Hakkai were once tapped for ox-duty in the fields, dragging the harvest rakes behind them under the hot sun and Gojyo ribbed Hakkai good-naturedly as he left him behind because human is human, and youkai is youkai, and (with a glint) three bits of metal fell as the youkai more than caught up and a kappa's mouth grew dry. The wheat was tall enough, and people at the next field over just smiled when they appeared with their bushels in hand and straw bits stuck in random places. (Goku asked pesky questions the next day; and to Sanzo's consternation, Hakkai answered. Gojyo hid his face behind a beer can.)

5, bullets

Hakkai at one point asked Sanzo why he did not choose an automatic, knowing Sanzo's preference for efficiency. Goku replied that it was so he could concentrate on each one; he feels Sanzo's feeling, on each one, and he plucks a bit of metal almost randomly from the cliff side they walked along and they saw it for a bullet, aged.

This is how you know we're going home, Goku says cheerily.

Like breadcrumbs, Gojyo laughed. Does that make Sanzo Greta?

Shots ring out and both Gojyo and Goku laughs and runs, Hakkai hurrying a little to keep up, dragon wrapped around him, listening to the valley which is filled with screamed echoes and startled birds and trees getting ready for spring.

Comments

[nekonexus.livejournal.com]

*sighs* that was sweet, and relaxing (well, graphic bits of the first section aside >.< ) and just really... harmonious. Yeah. Things gone full circle and starting again. *nodnod*

[permetaform]

=) thank you! I'm glad you like, it was one of those things that attacked my while trying to fall asleep and didn't let me rest until I'd written it.

[kintail.livejournal.com]

Wow... very powerful, in a way that's hard to comment on because a lot of it cuts right through the conscious brain to the subconscious, which says "brutal realism leaving such pain and wounds to carry with them even as they turn their backs on it and try to leave it behind, and then people starting over, people like the dead they left behind reclaiming life, and the healing of the land and growth and recognition and honesty, and 'this is real too and no more hiding from it' on so many levels," even while the conscious brain is still saying only "I'm going to need some time to think about that, but wow."

[permetaform]

oh yay! ::glomps:: thank you for such extensive fb!

And yes, I think I was writing this almost like I vid, and the thing with vids is that it mostly works on a subconscious level (which, I guess, makes it hard to fb, and oh wow, that just gave me more to think about, thank you!).

[permetaform]

thank you! It's one of those things that attack me while I'm trying to fall asleep. I keep finding myself going back and correcting mistakes. ::wry grin::

[devikun.livejournal.com]

That was really lovely (hahaha, my favourite part? Loaded of course! ;) But all of it was really good! I felt a bit sad about the ruin they left behind, but then I thought,

Well, somebody's gotta lose.

[permetaform]

::glomps:: thank you!

Well, somebody's gotta lose.

::nods:: And sometimes themselves. ;D

[cicer.livejournal.com]

*exhales slowly*

Whoa. That was...incredibly intense. The style of this piece is stunning. It hit me in a way that I can't exactly put into words. Just...wow. I'm really speechless. What a fic. *blinks in amazement*

[permetaform]

::blush:: dude. thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much!

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

I love the imagery of Goku running up with the fruit, and that the only mercy Sanzo could give Lirin was death, and the focus required for each bullet. Wonderful.

[permetaform]

=D thank you!

6] of one

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

The thing about history, it gets told until it becomes story and story becomes dream and dream spits up images that take hold of words and your bones remember, rising from earth, returning to it, remember that story is always part of history, that history is the collective dream of earth. Blond monks and wheatfields, monkeys with eyes like ripe peaches. Blood and sap, life in red and green under the skin, under the bark. Under the words and images and dreams.

And the thing about life, it's violent. It's change, and change means destruction as much as creation, means empty space as much as letters, means silence as much as speech. Don't say sutras for the dead, they don't need them, but tell (hi)story (dreamrememberwrite) for the living.

It's life, the thing. This thing. Life under the skin.

Re: 6] of one

[nekonexus.livejournal.com]

yes, like that... *sigh*

[kokkoryuha.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it's somewhat how I figure it ends. Great job on telling it though. ... I will be sad if everyone has to die. ...And my sister will kill cause Kougaiji is her favorite character.

[permetaform]

::shrugs:: I kinda figure they have to because Kou-tachi's been set up as parallels of Sanzo's group, but neo-phyte. To grow, they'd have to give up the past, and I'd figured that it might translate out literally.

[incandescens]

That was very effective, and very beautiful in the way that it slowly blossoms. Thank you.

[permetaform]

=D thank *you*. ::GLOMPS::

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

Now that I'm done stepping out of line and grammarbetaing your only mistake in the whole thing (feel good at that at least?) I have to say that it took about three rereadings for me to get it. But of course this is 'cause I haven't read most of source. T^T And even despite that massive handicap, I was still able to be reached and touched on some level by this piece. Not as deeply as it touched Tav, Kiro, Rana, Rune, etc...but it still reached me. Which is as big a 'something' as I can give you. It *does* read a bit like a vid, in that I can't do anything but tackle the structure of your vids, the substance of them being so far over my ability to summarize and organize thought....

So, in that vein. Why did you choose different section headers for each section? And is there a significance in there being five?

*snugs* Wish I could be more helpful. This was really....ohhhh, grr, I want to finish this sentence with so many words that don't begin to cover it all. >_< You know where I'm headed, I hope. Sorry to get ineloquent on you.

[permetaform]

grammarbetaing your only mistake in the whole thing

o.o whoa.

I think that's actually a record, for me.

I have to say that it took about three rereadings for me to get it. But of course this is 'cause I haven't read most of source.

Aheh, yeah, I tend to write in circles ::facesmack:: I'd tried to make it accessible as I can but usually I sorta just end up being vague. I'm glad that it worked for you, despite that, however.

Was it clear enough that they were dead as much dead as everything/everybody else, at the end of 1-shot? (I keep on trying to write resurrection stories without writing them or something. X| )

The different section headers all relate to guns in some way, and some are an internal pun on some level, ("one shot", "too shelled") and different 'cause I'd wanted to show an evolution. There's a multifandom AU thing that's called "Five Things That Didn't Happen" that are each separate snippets of different things or different things in a coherent universe...so this is kinda a riff off that.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Oh, so dreamy. I loved all of them and the sense of the flow of time. And the ploughing! Ahem. XD

That last line is just so beautiful. It's so full of life and so hopeful.

[permetaform]

::glomps:: thank you! And yeah, once that last line got into my head I was all, "that's it, get you're silly ass out of bed and write this shit down!!!"

[baka-gaijin.livejournal.com]

When I got on line today, this was the first thing I read. It's so good. There were so many parts I liked: Goku licking the peach juice off of Sanzo's hand, and Hakkai taking off his limiters with Gojyo in the field.

It was all just very very good.

[permetaform]

=D Thank you! and heee! yes, those are some of the images that finally pulled me out of bed to scrawl this thing down...

[new-kate.livejournal.com]

*tackleglomp* Oh damn, girl, you did it again.
I will NOT cry in the office, I will not!
This is unreal in its beauty, which I suppose is very fitting. I just don't know which part to squee over first.
Okay. What everybody said, and this:
he feels Sanzo's feeling, on each one, and he plucks a bit of metal almost randomly from the cliff side they walked along and they saw it for a bullet, aged.
You kicking the shit out of the grammar and making it like it, ohgod.
This on each one had me falling to pieces, and I so don't care if I'm making things up. See, normally I'd try to follow writer's thought process, but here, with those evil little commas, you somehow open it up for me to colour with whatever/every meaning, and it's like a spring landscape, about everything you want it to be about.
And then.
he feels Sanzo's feeling - more sneaky grammar, and the first present tense in the piece, and it makes it feel like time caught up and life is about to really begin.
from the cliff side they walked along - and because of the present tense before this line is about both times they walked here, as they will always be.
And then they saw the aged bullet, and they can not unsee it, and the passing of time has been sealed, and history scabbed over the land like a scar, and - guh.
*spazzes all over*
Totally no words except for huge thanks for this.

[permetaform]

::wibbles:: ohhh! dude. and yes, yes with the scabbed over scars! ::glomps:: it's that! you got it! =D ::dances::

[wildelamassu.livejournal.com]

Fantastic postmodernist guh.

Genius with Goku's "This is how you know we're going home" and subverting the bullets. Poignant and circular. <3

[permetaform]

=D oh wow, thank you! I'm glad you like that, that whole bullet sequence was what finally dragged me out of bed to type it all out before I forgot anything.

[akisawana.livejournal.com]

::thud::
So perfect, what with the sad and the happy and the deep not-deep and I'm not terribly coherent at the moment, but I loved it.

[permetaform]

=D Thank you! ::glomps::

[absenceofmind.livejournal.com]

oh fucking HELL. that was simply AMAZING and i need to rec it, like, right away. um. after i get some sleep. but i WILL. KICK ME INTO A CROCODILE POND IF I DO NOT.

[permetaform]

::gape:: dude. this fb from you?? wow. ::GLOMP::

[silvermuse89.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, this was so beautiful and peaceful, exactly what I'd hope the ending for Saiyuki to be like. I especially like the last part with Goku finding a bullet and the familiarity of it all, so that it seems as if things are beginning, not ending.

I got here through a rec from aki and I was wondering if I could friend you? I haven't read Saiyuki fic in a while and this fic just reminded me how wonderful the series was ^_^

[permetaform]

Thank you!

And yeah, it's no problem =) I don't really lock much, usually just whining, I don't mind lurking or if you chat with other people in my posts. I have a gallery that's open to browsing (via the profile page) with tons of Saiyuki...ummm I'm trying to think of anything else you might wanna know, but it's pretty much all covered in my profile page and my Journal FAQ. =)

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

mmm, delicious. i hope you don't mind that i've added you. :D

[permetaform]

Thank you! And no problem! I have info in my profile and in my Journal FAQ. This is mostly a fannish public LJ, friending's fair game. =)

[fromastudio]

Hey, came here via a rec from absenceofmind - and I'm glad I did! This is so sad, and so bittersweet, and really drives in how things are simply destined to end in some unpleasant way for the rivals, just simply because of the paths each of them has chosen to take.

[permetaform]

=) thank you!

[snowyheart.livejournal.com]

So beautiful! ^^

[permetaform]

thank you!

[lisa-bee.livejournal.com]

I haven't commented on this?

It's great. They fall a bit more together in each successive bit, and by the end there's a sense that they will be able to keep going, that things have knitted themselves back together, maybe not the way they were meant to, maybe not the way they were hoped to, but it'll work this way. And the laughter isn't so fragile as it could be and the routine is comfortable, not a way to hold on to sanity.

Did that make sense? I really like these.

[permetaform]

Sorry for such the late reply, but thank you so much for this feedback! What you said right there? exactly :;HUGE ASS GRIN:: god, this. ::GLOMPS:: you make my heart happy.