things what might be good to know

[permetaform]

So...since I apparently can't for the life of me stop meta-ing and there's been new people stopping by, I thought to make an intro/update post on this here "porch party" I'm throwing.

The jist of it, and me, are explained in my Journal FAQ, which I've recently updated. I view this journal as a public website, and as a party I'm hosting. Feel free to make 'random' comments, feel free to engage others in discussion in the threads, I don't mind either way. I'm just here to provide nibbles and crack for your brain. ::grins and bows::

Most of my fanwork is linked to in my Journal FAQ towards the top, and towards the bottom I've posted some random stuff to help you to get to know me if you so wish.

I try to tag all my entries so that they're searchable, my tags are on the sidebar. "[thoughts]" roughly amounts to meta, but not always. The rest of the tags are fairly obvious.

I think in pictures and non-linearly, so it's hard to express myself at times because of the difficulty of translating from non-linear pictoral to linear. Granted it's easier translating to linear-written than to linear-spoken because linear-spoken is temporal too (one more vector to deal with), whereas linear-written at least you leave a 'papertrail'.

The result of the massive amount of translation I'm attempting is that I realize that I'm frequently confusing and that it takes me awhile to properly answer comments. For the first problem, poke me and I'll explain; for the second problem, bear with me? ::wry grin:: I try to answer all comments that can be responded to, unless the comment-email gets lost (or buried in my inbox). If that's the case, poke me again, and I'll try to answer it in as timely a manner as I can.

You can de-friend me at any time. Which, y'know, cannot be emphasized enough; I've had to go through several massive friend cullings because I simply could not handle my flist anymore, so I perfectly understand. No hard feelings, and I flock rarely and NEVER flock my fannish stuff. I don't mind lurkers.

I don't usually cut-tag posts, but I cut-tag large pictures and spoilers. I hate spoilers, but my response to that hate is to basically not watch the source until I forget the spoiler.

And since it looks like I'm gonna be posting about PotC quite a lot, there's something that I've got to make clear for my own mental stability:

I have trauma issues related to the parental unit and my reaction to the mother, wherein I was able to get-by with a combination of being stoic and being completely unable to feel emotions and I've been slowly digging my way out of that for the past 5 years, or 9 years if you're counting from when I first learned to 'squee' and be joyful. However, being in the POV of Norrington brings up most of those issues again for me. I like his character just fine when I'm watching him, but I cannot read most fic from his POV. At points, I've gotten physically sick when I was trying to read sparrington when I was trying to give the pairing a go, 'cause it seemed to have the earmarks of everything I like in a pairing. And like, it caused wank when I tried to work out these issues re:sparrington in a public post.

I've recently gotten to a point where I could appreciate his character as a character again, and I've always tried to be considerate of people who squee about him in my journal. But I'm trying to be more aware about what twigs me out and better about pointing this out to people so that I don't get all defensive when I'm squirming about trying to not get my trauma buttons pushed.

So um...if you choose to comment about Norrington, please be aware that my comment would probably be very very short, possibly non-verbal, because I know that any long-ish response I give will be horribly biased and that I pretty much cannot be logical about him 'as a person'. I can *possibly* discuss him 'as a character' or 'as a narrative arc', but it pretty much won't work if I attempt at all to place myself in his POV because of my issues.

Um...I think I've covered everything? ::ponders weakly:: meh, it's 3am, and tho I slept till noon today, I'm sick and all pooped. Night ya'll! Poke me if you have any questions!

Comments

[scarletseraph.livejournal.com]

That's...very interesting, about your reaction to Norrington. Though I'm not going to ask for details, since I've got my own issues and I know how I hate it when people won't lay off on them. (And it's certainly not that I can't understand, because I have a habit of inserting myself very firmly into characters heads myself - sometimes, I think Jack - and maybe this new Elizabeth - is going to kill me, because I so very much identify with some of the concepts in him. I'm just not grasping why James, specifically; probably because I'm not privy to the nature of the issues. And now I'm going to shut up before I accidentally break you. ^^;)

[permetaform]

I'm just not grasping why James, specifically; probably because I'm not privy to the nature of the issues.

Short form: Stoicness connected to duty connected to sacrifice connected to personal-bindings connected to aloofness connected to redemption-by-way-of-perfection connected to personal-cages.

And tangled up in all this was that to deal with the mother I've repressed all outward signs of emotion and most inner manisfestations of emotions. I did not relearn how to feel genuine joy, and later how to *express* genuine joy, until freshman year HS. I think part of what always makes me cry when I feel joy is that it's the first 'emotion' I've re-connected with. I'm *still* unable to really cry when I'm sad (the most I get moist eyes and a lump, but that's *it*), and I've only recently been able to accurately tell when I'm angry.

I'm...still learning how to express these details. It only works part of the time.

[scarletseraph.livejournal.com]

Aah. *Nods* I have some...quirks...that way myself. Probably not as severe as yours seem to be, but there were some incidents when I was in my late teens that did some definite damage - and add that to the issues I already had, and...yea. I have emotions (sometimes), but I have a hard time expressing them in front of her because it always goes so horribly wrong - she either wants to help, and that doesn't work because I generally need to pull away and work through it on my own before I can accept comfort, or we end up escalating to a fight because my reactions aren't level-appropriate (or because I need the fight to get to a place where I can let go in other ways - a weird sort of catharsis, I guess). Or she flat-out doesn't understand, which was, ironically enough, what kept me from responding to PotC2 the way I needed to (at least at the theatre) - I just didn't think I'd be capable of explaining to her why it hurt me to watch the Pearl breaking up, or whether or not she'd get it if I did. Which I know must be a stupid thing to be that upset over, but... (Urgh, I feel like I'm babbling about stuff I shouldn't be. I'm wary about discussing it because I don't want to trod on anything that's sensitive for you, but you're always so terribly good at making me analyze... ^^;)

[ninepointfivemm.livejournal.com]

Hey, all you need worry about with me is Captain Jack squee, as I love him to the depths. ;)

Also, need I add I nearly rip people's throats when they put down the "new" Elizabeth Swann? Girl's a little too close to comfort for my personality to hear the "God, she's such a bitch" commentage. Maybe the exact opposite of your Norrington thing?

[permetaform]

ah, maybe? I don't know your reactions to Elizabeth well enough from just this description to accurately say.

wandering in, la la la~

[kyouichi.livejournal.com]

Hey! So I hear you're in the SoCal area now. Wanna hang out some time? ^____^

Re: wandering in, la la la~

[permetaform]

YES! (though I'm sick right now, and next week's insane, ummm...in 2 weeks maybe?)

Re: wandering in, la la la~

[kyouichi.livejournal.com]

Lessee...next weekend I go up to visit parental units, and weekend after that I'm going to Atlanta for a conference. But, Aug 1, hippediva, smutcutter, a couple other folks and I are planning to go to Disneyland. Wanna go? XD

Re: wandering in, la la la~

[permetaform]

oooo, that would be cool. Lemme check my budget for that month. It's a bit tight because of vividcon.

Re: wandering in, la la la~

[kyouichi.livejournal.com]

dude, you gotta go. new additions to the pirates ride with cap'n jack'n barbossa! i plan on being an inappropriate fangirl all day. hee! XD

Re: wandering in, la la la~

[permetaform]

fuckity, it's the Tuesday isn't it? I have class from 9-6 basically mon->sat of that week, the only day I might swing is Thurs 'cause I can scootch my lab around.