::eyeballs fandom:: SGA people, wtf.

[permetaform]

not that I'm really especially participating in fandom much, but...

Well, so I got caught up on SGA's Race wank, and well, what liviapenn's said on the subject, is pretty much spot on pure golden.

Now, I don't much like the type of discussion on racism that attempts to imbue shame onto "racists", because not only does that make people all defensive and reactionary liek whoa, but it also make "racists" the ones who commit racism.

And...the fact of the matter is that it's an issue of racism that exists in *people*, in *friends*, in people you *admire*; it's an issue of the racism that exists to some degree in each. person. because it *does*. Because we swim in it far too much (due to American media, that's tangled with worldwide media) and it's...it's *transparent* because you swim in it and is invisible to a very many people.

And I'm not going to hate people for being only human. I'm not going to shame people for something they cannot help.

However, I don't like people who aren't willing to self-examine when others are getting hurt at an act of theirs and it is being pointed out. I don't like how the sheer *possibility* that it's their own fault that they caused damage cannot pass through their mind, that they aren't willing to examine their own words and actions to see if these accusations are true.

Perhaps this is just my mental state as of now, with all the RL stuff going on for me. Perhaps this is me finally putting my foot down.

I'm defriending certain of you. Feel free to defriend me back.

[edit 1:11pm for grammar]

[edit 9:57pm] I've just come back from doing errands and ltlj's recent post was pointed out to me.

I sincerely apologize to ltlj for finding ill in her when there was none. I apologize for not following up and double-checking her own words before defriending. I apologize for the tone in my own comment. I was feeling betrayed at something that hadn't happened and acted far too quickly. Frankly, thank you for your ranty post.

I don't apologize for calling her a racist because in my post I called both everyone and no one a racist, because I believe that everybody has elements of racism in themselves to a degree. I do not level "that obscene hateful accusation" because I don't think it's useful in discussions of prejudice.

I haven't looked at the new comments in this post yet. I will do that now, time 10:10pm.

[edit 10:19pm] btw, I have re-added ltlj, and my current policy still stands that it's okay to either friend or defriend me at will.

[edit 10:33pm] ::facepalm:: edited my edit at 9:57pm to make it more concise and relevant.

[edit 9:22pm March 31st] in direct response here, but pertinent to the post in general:

Well, I have to admit that I was flustered and upset at myself for making such a mistake, and I was defending myself, so yes I was defensive.

What I have wished for of trolls is that they would just stop responding, to stop making an ass of themselves and to stop escalating the grief, so I will do so.

I am sorry.

Comments

[turtlespeaks.livejournal.com]

I. . . . wow. I had no idea that was connected. Heck, I think at that point I wasn't even aware of the wank. I thought she was just a joke at the time, and when I found out about the wank I had completely forgot about that post.

God, now that I actually know what's going on, I feel pretty much like a loser. I thought it was joke was about the knives in the hair, but I guess at the time I hadn't really read through the post well when I commented.

I mean, I don't really feel like this. I've worked white collar jobs, and I carry a switch blade in my pocket and I have mace in my purse at all times. I own several swords, and I've taken Fencing and Martial Arts for years. I believe in the ability to defend one's self, I've had to defend myself in such a way in the past, and it has nothing to do with whatever kind of job you have.

Yet I still . . . huh.

I will tell you, though, even though it's inexcusable that I commented without really reading through what the post was saying thoroughly, I really had no idea about the race wank or what that issues where when I read that. I honestly just thought it was a joke about knives in Ronon's hair.

I'm very embarrassed and upset with myself right now. I don't even remember that post, and I wish I hadn't even commented now that I know what it's all about.

All I can do is apologize, and hope to god that you don't think I'm a horrible person. I'm deleting it, because I really don't agree with what the whole situation is about. Thanks for showing that too me, and again, I am mortified with myself.

Sorry.

[permetaform]

::blinks::

oh wow. ok. you honestly didn't know then.

I apologize for jumping on you then and I'm glad you commented to clarify yourself. I was horrified to have found your comment on that post and...from your comment you seem sincere. And that you *are* thinking about the matter now. I'll re-add you now, 'cause it would be silly of me not to, but feel free to not friend me back.

[turtlespeaks.livejournal.com]

Yah, I really am thinking about it. I never really though ill of you, because, well, I thought that you had a point. I was just . . . I was horrified and ashamed that I could have presented myself like that. It is not who I am, or my beliefs, and I feel like I betrayed myself, and I worry about who may have seen that and thinks something about me that is not who I am or what I believe in.

I am glad that you pointed out the post, and I deleted the comment. I wasn't going to unfriend you. I still very much enjoy reading your journal, and I believe you to be an intelligent and interesting person. I am glad that this is resolved now.

[permetaform]

I was horrified and ashamed that I could have presented myself like that. It is not who I am, or my beliefs, and I feel like I betrayed myself,

...::hugs:: it...I had a similar reaction when during one of my coursework on racism I'd discovered it in myself.

mistressrenet's been reading a book, her comment about it is here, called Blink and this part in particular struck true:

"Yeah, it's hard. I'm going to take the test about assumptions at some point and hate myself, I suspect. Gladwell said he came out of it feeling awful and he's half-black."

::hugs again:: I'm also glad it's resolved 'cause...like when I saw your name there I couldn't believe it. I didn't want it to be true, but...people have surprised me before. I'm so very glad that my initial impression was wrong.