........

[permetaform]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/theferrett/466248.html

holy SHIT.

there are no words for how much I bless my HS right now.

no.

fucking.

words.

Comments

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

I read that post several days ago with my mouth open the whole time. It's truly, truly horrible what those folks went through. I was so grateful that my experience had not been like that.

[permetaform]

::nods and hugs::

[knightvision.livejournal.com]

It's disgusting. I've always had the mindset that there is nothing worse than a teenage girl. There is nothing meaner, there is nothing more heartless, and there is nothing colder.

I went to a very stereotypical high school. If you weren't "in" with the top cliques of the food chain (and I wasn't, though I'm proud to say that I wasn't by choice), you were subject to horrific rumours and bad treatment. It was dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest.

Personally? I don't want my future child(ren) being raised and taught (academically AND socially) in an environment like that. I don't care if most parents use "Kids will be kids, teens will be teens" or anything like that for excuses. There is no excuse for that sort of behaviour.

[permetaform]

::nods:: actually there's been lots of mentions of homeschooling, which is more or less viable depending on where you live. actually there's at least one person on my flist who homeschools, want me to introduce you so that you can learn more?

[atdelphi.livejournal.com]

*shakes head* Doesn't surprise me.

I was under-the-radar popular in high school, but the majority of those posts sum up my elementary school experience to a tee. Now, looking back as an adult, it's just mind-boggling how willfully blind teachers and school administrators - not to mention parents, the bulk of who would never fathom that their innocent kidlets are capable of such a thing. A news program here in Canada did a special not too long ago about a clique of 5th grade girls and the psychologically abusive tactics they use every day - the parents just honestly had no idea.

[permetaform]

::hugs::

as for the willful blindness, there's some discussion below over whether that's actual intent or just harassed and overworked employee syndrome.

Regarding the parents tho...you'd think they'd remember...

[linzeestyle.livejournal.com]

Gah, high school. There is absolutely nothing worse in the world than a teenage girl - honestly. Boys are perhaps more physically violent, but IMHO the emotional scars girls inflict on one another last far longer than any bruises or broken bones the guys get. The sick thing is that, for the most part, there's nothing that can be done. My little sister had a friend that was being tormented ruthlessly, through the internet as well as in class, about various things (her weight among them, which ended up largely contributing to her becoming anorexic) - and the school's reaction was pretty much "They're just girls!"

Bastards. High school is a horrible place.

Linzee

[permetaform]

::hugs really hard::

I.

wow.

the closest experience I had to that was in elementary school; high school actually pulled me out of my shell. same with lurkerlynn actually, we talk about it a bit towards the bottom of the comments

[majinkarp.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's how it was for me--I went to a very small, homogeneous school in a small, homogeneous town. Middle/high school is a time I'd like to forget. I believe my experiences there completely changed my personality and turned me into a different person than I would've been otherwise--for one thing, I went from being an outgoing, rambunctious child to an adult with pretty much no self-esteem.

The comments to that post were actually painful to read. >.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

Yep. Though college did wonders for me. I can like, talk in crowds now and stuff. But if I hadn't had that, and if I hadn't been blessed with a wonderful family (for all I complain about them) there would have been so. much. damage.

[sarahtheboring.livejournal.com]

Odd; boys always were, and are, far more vicious to me than girls ever were. I passed under the social radar for girls, so I wasn't any threat or worth harassing; boys love to pick on people just because they can. Passing gauntlets to get to class and such. Loads of fun.

But people in general are pretty horrible, so I'm not surprised at the stories, either.

Also, dear, you're pretty. It's probably not the high school's doing. People are nice to you if you're pretty; that goes right under "gravity makes things fall down." ;)

[permetaform]

Also, dear, you're pretty.

::DIES:: okay, dude, I only got contact lenses and makeup when I headed into college. I was flatter then than I was now, breaking out like whoa, hair either an unmanageable oil slick or dry and snarly, and my teeth were in a horrible overbitten mess (when they first put in the wires, the wire went in zigzags). I went to one of those magnet HS, but even there I was one of those loners who sat alone in the library for lunch; my first friend there was also a loner who sat in the library.

trust me, it wasn't the 'pretty' factor.

[winter]

I just can't believe why people in the US let this happen. It's not inevitable - hell, I should know, I've gone to school in both Poland and France. There was a bit of bullying, namecalling etc, but I was lucky with homeroom teachers who always caught on and defused such situations pretty quickly. If anything, it was more boys vs girls in primary school...

[guede-mazaka.livejournal.com]

I'm not trying to generalize, but having done informal follow-up on a few local incidents near me that hit the newspapers...a lot of school districts don't have the funding to hire enough teachers. Average class-teacher ratio in U. S. public schools is something like 30-35 kids to one teacher, I think; you get a school with 25 kids to a teacher and that's considered great. I don't remember exactly, but I believe class-teacher ratios in other countries are much lower.

speaking of bullies . . .

[pepperjackcandy.livejournal.com]

I was catching up with someone who had gone to my junior high years after me and asked about my favorite teacher (who had been a spinster (which is a bachelorette who's gone past her sell-by date) when I was in jr. high). She said, no, there's no teacher by that name.

My heart plummeted. She'd been out for health reasons during my seventh-grade year, and while it's inevitable your teachers will die someday, you know . . .

Then she said, "But Mrs. B- has been there forever anyhow. I don't know a Miss K-."

"B-" had been the surname of one of the biggest discipline problems in my jr. high class.

Apparently, she had *so* many problems with him that she had to meet with his (divorced? widowed?) father about it and they started dating.

Now she's his stepmother. 8-D

Re: speaking of bullies . . .

[permetaform]

.....


XD

[iapetusneume.livejournal.com]

Actually, for me elementary school was the worst, then middle school. High school wasn't really that bad, since by then the students at my school finally started to mature. We had cliques, and I was never a member of really any of them. I was one of those girls that everyone knew - one of the "smart" ones, but also "one of the nice ones." I had a lot of friends, but no core group to hang out with until my senior year of high school. But, I agree that the biggest reason why women have self-esteem problems is due to their peers riduculing them.

Nothing, nothing, NOTHING compaires to being mistaken for the opposite gender and having it said to your face visciously. I lost count of the times I was asked if I was a boy, or even worse when people would whisper to each other loudly so they knew I could hear, saying "What is that THING?"

And my friends wonder why I have trouble accepting compliments....

[poor-choices.livejournal.com]

I had a girl in elementary school who would ask me EVERY DAY walking to school, "Hey, are you a boy or a girl?" I like to think I eventually started saying "the same thing I was yesterday," but I honestly don't know if I just wanted to say that. She was one of those girls whom everyone else bullied, so I think she just treated me as someone she could finally outrank on the food chain.

[penm.livejournal.com]

High school sucks, but at least I'm not being pelted with used female menstrual products or something equally as horrifying. I did get into fisticuffs at elementary school but mostly people don't bother me and I don't bother them.

[permetaform]

but at least I'm not being pelted with used female menstrual products or something equally as horrifying.

::nods::

::hugs you hard:: be safe tho, yeah? =)

[fancyfox.livejournal.com]

*blesses it with you* Yeah. It was good for some things...

[permetaform]

::snuggleglomps::

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

Though some of that stuff was far more extreme than what I saw (though I didn't read the whole thread by far), I've got to say none of it surprised me that much.

There's a very good semiprivate high school around us, and I've sworn a hundred times that my kid's going there. I'm not doing that to my child; having crap like that done to me was bad enough.

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

private does NOT equal nicer. trust me on this. i graduated with 48 girls and no guys after 13 years of Schoolbelles plaid uniforms, and while the outright violence was minimal to nonexistant, the verbal abuse went through the roof.

you just have to pray your kid gets a good collection of people around them, is all. it's ridiculous...

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I just read a little bit, but it makes me relieved, a bit, that I didn't have it so bad as that. My high school was fine, not particularly great or horrible, but I hated middle school. 6th grade was my year of hell when I was at the very bottom of the social structure. On the other hand... I was *so* far down that I actually wasn't the most horribly mocked person of my grade, I was just ignored and lonely. 7th and 8th grade were better, because I made friends with 2 new girls and basically created my own small social circle from scratch, but I still loathed middle school, evne when I had good friends. I would cut the school part of those years out of my life if I could.

[permetaform]

::hard hugs:: If you hadn't had those experiences, you wouldn't be the person you are today, and that would be a pity, no?

[weyrlady.livejournal.com]

My worst time was actually in elementary school, before fifth grade. One of the things about me then (and still true now) is that I latch on to my friends pretty hard. So when I went from a preschool where I was basically the leader, to a first grade where I knew no one, I was miserable. Stayed miserable for four years, but in fifth grade I actually made friends with a girl who had her own group, and joined it.

I went to a private Quaker middle and high school and managed to miss most of it. Again, I missed my old friends badly and spent sixth and seventh grades with my nose stuck in a book, ignoring everyone else. The one time some of the popular boys tried to tease me, we ended up in a knock-down, drag-out fight that the teachers had to break up. most people thought I won- he had visible bruises for days after while the few I had were mostly covered by clothes. No one bothered me after that.

In high school, I immediately made friends with the geek group, most of whom were two years older than ando ended up dating a senior in that group the whole year, something not even the popular girls dreamed of. So I ignored them, they ignored me.

I think I was lucky in general, but I also think I went to a nicer school than most. I can't think of any one who was obviously and constantly bullied.

[permetaform]

::hugs::

with my nose stuck in a book, ignoring everyone else.

dude, *so* right there with you! That was elementary school from 3rd to 6th grade for me (actually, half of high school too, come to think of it).

And thank god for geeks and geek-inclusiveness. The world can learn a thing or two =D

...huh. actually, this might integrate in an interesting way with liberalism and the mentality 'intellectual elite'.

[aliaswestgate.livejournal.com]

I've read through the entire thread, Permeta-san. I dunno if it's because i'm 10 or more years yrs removed from the events or that i'm three times as stubborn about the harassment i did have. I went to school as the only mixed child in a hugely caucasian area, because the town was so small.

I started out fine in elementary. Then it didn't matter that i was mulitracial, adopted. That i knew what the concepts meant and didn't mind telling people outright when my parents(who are caucasian) got weird looks in public. I didn't care at all then. The only thing i'd been teased about for a little bit was that i called my Mom, 'Mum' a few times. Something i'd picked up since she is Canadian, and calls Gramma that. Didn't help that one set of my god parents hails from Liverpool, England either. ^_^ But that just breezed over compared to what happened later.

Junior high changed that. Both boys and girls latched onto the fact that i was smart, alone and at that point growing my hair out. Somewhere, someone along the line in 6th grade started calling me 'afro'. From then on i heard it from every day, around the corner from everyone but my closest friends. I only had 2 of them. I was never much for heavy socilization by nature, but that hurt. Those friends made no move to defend me, but we enjoyed each other's company. I also had choir to keep me in school. I hadn't had that i probably would have dropped out. I simply lost myself in the songs, even with my still immature voice. I could carry a tune, i loved what i did. I still kept up with grades and kept to myself, but it never let up.

It didn't until 8th grade. There was a new boy, he was cute enough to make even the popular girls drool. I made friends with him by being myself. I've always said hi to the new people, when everyone else was embarrassed. The taunts of 'afro' and 'afro angie' gradually stopped. Because he was the darling of all the girls--and he was my friend. Yes he was cute, but he was sarcastic. Intelligent, and had a penchant for wearing Metallica t-shirts. He wasnt' overly popular then, but he was a rogue and for a while we were friends. It was long enough to end the namecalling that had destroyed my confidence and self-esteem. The teachers never stopped it.

By 8th grade i'd discovered relaxers of a strength that didn't 'fry' my hair to a crisp, of which i wanted. I was tired of heavy snarls and not being able to work with my hair in any way. Previously id' even tried to fit in with everyone, following trends. Still made me depressed, so i stopped that. So right at about the same time, i'd found a way to manage my annoyingly unique hair, and a friend to end the harassment.

High school was easier. I was still heavily into choir, but the harassment stopped. It took me until 11th grade to rebuild most of my confidence, bit by bit. I ended up hanging out in a group of geeks no one would touch, just because we were ourselves. In a school of 1600 kids, that's saying something. We had a calc genius, and an engineering genius both of them male. Our little group played Euchre or Magic:The Gathering. I was reading shakespeare in my spare time, or sheet music for the Choral i was a happy member of. I'd even had some geniune voice classes on scholarship. So i'd found a way to be happy on my own. Authority hadn't done shit, all i'd done was make a path for myself. I also stopped caring about the popularity food chain, which made the biggest difference. They ceased to intimidate me from then on. I think my decision to enlist in the USAF had something to do with that, in the 10th grade.

That was my pubic school. The ironic thing about the entire escapade of harassment, was in junior high? I'd gone to school since i was 5 with at least a third of those kids doing the harassment! But having been a loner by nature that wasn't overly social even then, i stuck out in several ways. Intelligence not the least of them.

I still have a huge dislike of cliques, but i'm willing to talk to anyone for the sheer joy of it. I didn't let them win. I may not have fought back, but i was winning in the psychological front, which is more than i could say for a lot of people i went to class with.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

::hugs to you::

My nephew's going to be in a similar situation in a couple of years. I hope it won't be bad for him (but fear it will be), but I hope he gets through it the way you did.

[tiltingheartand]

I actually don't remember much of elementary school, and when I moved back up here (up here being NY, from NC where we'd been living) in seventh grade I actually found friends who were -- oh my GOD -- trustworthy. And despite what a lot of people say about high school, I'm not finding it terribly difficult.

(I try not to think about sixth grade terribly often. It was a bad year in my life for more reasons than just school -- that was the year my parents fought and fought and then at the end of the year they split -- so I think that was part of the reason the kids hurt me so much. Having read through the thread, I realize that what I went through wasn't nearly as bad as it could've been.)

[permetaform]

::hugs really hard::

actually, I got pulled out of my shell in High School. Went total 'deluded-bookworm' in elementary school; partially out of self-defense I think. 'cause like, I wouldn't be hurt if I didn't know they were teasing me 'cause I'd be reading *constantly*.

::hugs again::

[maymorning.livejournal.com]

I was bullied by girls and boys at high school. My parents didn't care and the teachers didn't care either. That is why now, aged 44, I still have clinical depression.

[permetaform]

::HUGS HARD:: But you are still here, so in a way, you've made it. =)

[cicer.livejournal.com]

Middle and high schools are horrible, horrible places. Those were the worst years of my life, no question. Why so many people put up with it and don't just homeschool their kids or put them in independent studies programs the way my parents did, I will never know. That absolutely saved my sanity.

[permetaform]

::hugs hard::

some people don't know about homeschooling I think, or doubt their ability to. I don't think many people know about the options, and some places the options just aren't there.

[myniamh.livejournal.com]

I could make the general teasing stop by escalating it on their first effort. I'd hit them.
Not the 'right' thing to do but it stopped fairly quickly.

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (unless of course it's tomorrow where you are)

[permetaform]

=D one day early, but still, thank you! ::glomps::

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

My defense? I learned to lurk at an early age. Hell, at one point I could actually vanish when there was more than three people in a group. Make a lurkerlynne-sized hole in the world and step through; can't bully whatcha can't find.

It got better in college; I stumbled across the local RPG people and got drawn outa my shell. Still a little socially inept, but much better than I used to be. I still chuckle that RPG geeks were my saviors. Lovely people they were.

[permetaform]

XD you too? I got pulled out in HS with a combo of origfic and a ranma 1/2 rpgish type thing

[queen-yokozuna.livejournal.com]

Woah, I was browsing my friends page just now and caught phoiniks greeting you a happy birthday. So. :D

<3 <3 <3 Happy Birthday, kanzy!! <3 <3 <3 *hugs*

[permetaform]

awwww!! ::glomps::