randomish, and a saiyuki link

[permetaform]

Too often when I'm posting something personal it's just to rant, and I wonder sometimes if I give off the impression of being an ickle ball of depressedness when more often than not I kinda just feel average, if not downright grateful.

I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression because it becomes a cycle of over-dwelling on one's woes. And to a point I can see that, and in hindsight of some periods of my life I can appreciate that, although to be honest the very idea makes me defensive. Because I've drawn strength from people's replies and it *has* helped sometimes, and it led me to meet people that helped me in small ways or large to become the person I am today.

I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I have eyes to see and ears to hear and hands that do and feet that walk. I am VERY grateful to my knees, for being there and for working despite of my sometimes abuse of them. I am grateful for my mind, disjointed and in disarray even as it is, for it sometimes allows me to catch what other's missed. I am grateful that my parents are there and that they love me, psychotic tho they are, for it could have been worse. God, it could have been so. much. worse. but it's not.

I am grateful that the sky, today for the space of 2 hours, was blue like a fuck to the sight, clouds without shadows edged of silverlining. It rained a bit, afterward, but what a sky.

And I am busy today, as I am increasingly busy always it seems, now, but that itself is a blessing too. I have never felt so awake.

I am grateful for Saiyuki. It makes me cry, sometimes, if I think about it too hard, but it's a good sort.

Speaking of which, psychodragon82's posted Saiyuki Gaiden Scans, but is missing chapters 9 and 10. TRAVESTY! Does anyone have them? I would supply, but I have it not as well. ::puppy eyes flist:: pleeeeese?? Does anyone have them? Even raw? 'Cause I know some of ya'll are translators...

[edit] THANK YOU baka_gaijin!!! ::GLOMPS:: To pass on the joy:
Gaiden ch.9
Gaiden ch.10
[hosted by psychodragon82]

[edit2] links fixed.
[edit3] new links.

[edit4] baka_gaijin's also posted links to 16, 17, and 18 =D

Comments

[hungry-worm.livejournal.com]

*squees silently* Thank you for passing on the missing chapters :D

"I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression because it becomes a cycle of over-dwelling on one's woes. (...) I've drawn strength from people's replies and it *has* helped sometimes, and it led me to meet people that helped me in small ways or large to become the person I am today."

As usual, there isn't one truth, one patent solution or explanation. I believe it depends on many factors - like your own individual personality, your background, the online circle of friends and their respective backgrounds - if the "good" or "bad" consequences dominate. I always found keeping a blog very useful and it helped me a lot to feel better, but that was a monologue blog without responses; since I've been on LJ, which is only half a year, I've increasingly seen the other side that is referred to as "bad". It is true that one easily tries to escape into the LJ world, where friends are around. I've noticed that more and more over the past months, because I currently lack friends around in RL (those I have live far away). But I understand your sentiments about the good aspects.
I think it's amazing how supportive online friends can be, and it never ceases to surprise me. But I can see myself how difficult it is to keep a fine balance between supportiveness and too much attention; it's really easy to slip into a vicious circle with the attention and depressiveness. But being aware of that, I try to be supportive myself, without being so "bemothering" that it results into the recipient getting into something like "learned helplessness", and I try not to fall for the temptation of pure attention whoring (luckily I currently only know one person who does that).
It's really individual, and you can't paint the effect of a blog in black and white. If you have the right friends, a bit healthy reason and some ability to self reflect, you can indeed gain so incredibly much from it. At least that's how I feel and experience it. I'm really happy to have found the LJ comm, because I've found amazing friends here, and I'm really happy about that. Yeah. Sorry for the babbling, I get too talkative at nighttimes. ^_^;
*huggles*

[hungry-worm.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and you don't leave the impression of being "an ickle ball of depressedness". Not at all. :)

[permetaform]

awww! heh, 'kay. =)

[permetaform]

::hugs back::

If you have the right friends, a bit healthy reason and some ability to self reflect, you can indeed gain so incredibly much from it. At least that's how I feel and experience it. I'm really happy to have found the LJ comm, because I've found amazing friends here, and I'm really happy about that.

::nodnodnod:: true words. And talkative is good, it's good to hear your opinion. =)