randomish, and a saiyuki link

[permetaform]

Too often when I'm posting something personal it's just to rant, and I wonder sometimes if I give off the impression of being an ickle ball of depressedness when more often than not I kinda just feel average, if not downright grateful.

I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression because it becomes a cycle of over-dwelling on one's woes. And to a point I can see that, and in hindsight of some periods of my life I can appreciate that, although to be honest the very idea makes me defensive. Because I've drawn strength from people's replies and it *has* helped sometimes, and it led me to meet people that helped me in small ways or large to become the person I am today.

I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I have eyes to see and ears to hear and hands that do and feet that walk. I am VERY grateful to my knees, for being there and for working despite of my sometimes abuse of them. I am grateful for my mind, disjointed and in disarray even as it is, for it sometimes allows me to catch what other's missed. I am grateful that my parents are there and that they love me, psychotic tho they are, for it could have been worse. God, it could have been so. much. worse. but it's not.

I am grateful that the sky, today for the space of 2 hours, was blue like a fuck to the sight, clouds without shadows edged of silverlining. It rained a bit, afterward, but what a sky.

And I am busy today, as I am increasingly busy always it seems, now, but that itself is a blessing too. I have never felt so awake.

I am grateful for Saiyuki. It makes me cry, sometimes, if I think about it too hard, but it's a good sort.

Speaking of which, psychodragon82's posted Saiyuki Gaiden Scans, but is missing chapters 9 and 10. TRAVESTY! Does anyone have them? I would supply, but I have it not as well. ::puppy eyes flist:: pleeeeese?? Does anyone have them? Even raw? 'Cause I know some of ya'll are translators...

[edit] THANK YOU baka_gaijin!!! ::GLOMPS:: To pass on the joy:
Gaiden ch.9
Gaiden ch.10
[hosted by psychodragon82]

[edit2] links fixed.
[edit3] new links.

[edit4] baka_gaijin's also posted links to 16, 17, and 18 =D

Comments

[marquesate.livejournal.com]

I find that when I actually do get depressed I don't post anymore. Almost as if I am then not able to be even bothered to do that. No idea if that is better than posting in a woe-cycle.

BTW, it really and honestly never occurred to me that you sounded depressed, not at all. Maybe that is because I have/used to have some folks on my flist who posted nothing BUT depressed woe entries. ;-)

Nah, seriously, I like reading all your stuff. *smooch*

[linaelyn.livejournal.com]

I am grateful to know you.

I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression because it becomes a cycle of over-dwelling on one's woes.
As far as this goes, I've been watching some of the same people in livejournal land for the past three years, and I would disagree with that statement. What I have observed, rather, is that consistently posting in one's interactive journaling blog tends to intensify and solidify one's natural tendencies. If one tends towards depression, one can indeed spiral into a greater depressive state, due to the constant writing and reading of a litany of woes. However, for those whose general disposition is sunny, the ability to look back over the up and down entries can be an opportunity to notice cycles in one's life, and times when there is growth and improvement as well as gloom and doom.

The sky today really was AMAZING.

[maymorning.livejournal.com]

Well, you know how much I needed my LJ when I was very depressed. I found it helped to write about it as I had no other way of getting it out. And I am so grateful for friends like you. (((((Hugs))))) (And yes, love your knees!)

[loligo.livejournal.com]

I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression

Nah, I think the actual statistic was "people with blogs tend to be more depressed", in which case the causation could also go in the other direction (depressed people find more value in journaling than non-depressed people do), or there could be some third factor that increases them both. (Ex stats geek, here.)

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression because it becomes a cycle of over-dwelling on one's woes.

I can really see that. I used to write stories when I was in college and had to stop because I was making myself crazy. I started having nightmares about my sixth grade teacher and obsessing over all sorts of things that happened when I was 12.

I still make myself crazy with anxiety from time to time but, not as obsessively.

Of course, my composition skills have fallen to nil.

And you are not a downer at all. You are about the most cheerful person on my friendslist.

[kokkoryuha.livejournal.com]

This may seem odd, since half the time I am whining about something on LJ, but I have found typing things up and posting them for the world to read, has made me feel better than anything. I don't normally tell people when I'm sad or when I'm hurting, and opening up helps me feel more human. There is a point, I'm sure, where it could become something that would make me more depressed, but I think that'd be subject to each person (did that make sense?).

And you hardly sound depress-i-od or like a nit-picker or whatever. You sound like a cool person who has things that get on your nerves, like the rest of us. ((shrugs)) No big deal. ^^

[baka-gaijin.livejournal.com]

Hey, I have Gaiden. I've sent you #9/10 thru yousendit. I've never 'sent' anything before so I hope I did it right. Let me know if you don't get it, maybe we can figure out a different way to do it.

[permetaform]

Oh that works! YOU ROCK! ::glomps:: THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[kandykorn.livejournal.com]

Ooo! Ooo! Could you forward the link to 9+10 of Gaiden to me? *puppy eyes*
I needs them. :O kandykorn @ livejournal .com

[kintail.livejournal.com]

Oooo! Can you send 9-10 to me too? calendarfish @ gmail.com *^_^*

[kintail.livejournal.com]

I am grateful for Saiyuki. It makes me cry, sometimes, if I think about it too hard, but it's a good sort.

Oh yes. Right there with you.

And it is good to hear about all the other positive things in other people's lives too. ^_^ I think there are so many different ways to use journals and blogs and so many different kinds of people using them that no one can generalize accurately. And besides, if they lead to "knowing thyself" and that leads to recognizing signs of depression so that something can be done about it, that's a good thing even if it leads to "higher incidence of depression" -- it doesn't meant it *causes* depression.

*hopes for missing Gaiden chapters too!*

[andmydog.livejournal.com]

Any chance of publicizing that YSI link? (I'd be happy to refresh it when it runs out, too.)

[permetaform]

I find that when I actually do get depressed I don't post anymore. Almost as if I am then not able to be even bothered to do that. No idea if that is better than posting in a woe-cycle.

::nods:: Or in my case sometimes, a rant-cycle, and I just get irritated with myself 'cause I know I'm probably irritating other's too.

BTW, it really and honestly never occurred to me that you sounded depressed, not at all.

awww! ::smooches back::

[permetaform]

edited original post =) gotta share the joy, no?

[permetaform]

edited the post, =) share the joy, no?

[permetaform]

edited the post, =) ISSOCUTE!

[kintail.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!!

Oops, I had to change the "e" back to a "d" or I got error messages and no download when it actually tried to start sending the file. I guess they fixed that "feature". Foo.

[andmydog.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Thanks, and thanks, baka_gaijin! My addiction has been fed, and it is good.

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

Word. Now I don't have to tell her the exact same thing.

*stats!geeks group hug!!!*

[hungry-worm.livejournal.com]

*squees silently* Thank you for passing on the missing chapters :D

"I remember reading somewhere that having a blog increases incidences of depression because it becomes a cycle of over-dwelling on one's woes. (...) I've drawn strength from people's replies and it *has* helped sometimes, and it led me to meet people that helped me in small ways or large to become the person I am today."

As usual, there isn't one truth, one patent solution or explanation. I believe it depends on many factors - like your own individual personality, your background, the online circle of friends and their respective backgrounds - if the "good" or "bad" consequences dominate. I always found keeping a blog very useful and it helped me a lot to feel better, but that was a monologue blog without responses; since I've been on LJ, which is only half a year, I've increasingly seen the other side that is referred to as "bad". It is true that one easily tries to escape into the LJ world, where friends are around. I've noticed that more and more over the past months, because I currently lack friends around in RL (those I have live far away). But I understand your sentiments about the good aspects.
I think it's amazing how supportive online friends can be, and it never ceases to surprise me. But I can see myself how difficult it is to keep a fine balance between supportiveness and too much attention; it's really easy to slip into a vicious circle with the attention and depressiveness. But being aware of that, I try to be supportive myself, without being so "bemothering" that it results into the recipient getting into something like "learned helplessness", and I try not to fall for the temptation of pure attention whoring (luckily I currently only know one person who does that).
It's really individual, and you can't paint the effect of a blog in black and white. If you have the right friends, a bit healthy reason and some ability to self reflect, you can indeed gain so incredibly much from it. At least that's how I feel and experience it. I'm really happy to have found the LJ comm, because I've found amazing friends here, and I'm really happy about that. Yeah. Sorry for the babbling, I get too talkative at nighttimes. ^_^;
*huggles*

[hungry-worm.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and you don't leave the impression of being "an ickle ball of depressedness". Not at all. :)

[elfsoto.livejournal.com]

Hi, I wandered over from kintail's journal. *glomps you* Thank you for sharing the happiness of Gaiden! Do you mind if I friend you? You post fabulous drabbles on 100_roadtrips.

[andmydog.livejournal.com]

Same here. Too bad, too. That was a great "feature".

[permetaform]

argh, fixing the links then...

[permetaform]

What I have observed, rather, is that consistently posting in one's interactive journaling blog tends to intensify and solidify one's natural tendencies.

huh...actually, you're on to something, 'cause that rings truer than the statement in that article.

And god, that icon always make me smile. =)

[permetaform]

::nods and hugs back, hard:: That's true. Thank you.

[permetaform]

ohhh, that makes sense...in that to get out of depression more people are turning towards journaling? Or that people who get blogs are more melancholy than other's? Or express it more clearly?

[permetaform]

aww! ::hugs::

Composition skills are only useful when being used, otherwise isn't train-of-thought more conductive towards expression sometimes? =)

[permetaform]

=) don't mind at all!

[permetaform]

There is a point, I'm sure, where it could become something that would make me more depressed, but I think that'd be subject to each person (did that make sense?).

::nods:: I think so! In that everybody's limit is different?

[permetaform]

I think there are so many different ways to use journals and blogs and so many different kinds of people using them that no one can generalize accurately.

Oh, true! And especially in fandom I'm not sure that our lj's could be thought of as a blog...

And besides, if they lead to "knowing thyself" and that leads to recognizing signs of depression so that something can be done about it, that's a good thing even if it leads to "higher incidence of depression" -- it doesn't meant it *causes* depression.

heh, also true. ::hugs:: good and new things to consider!

[permetaform]

::hugs back::

If you have the right friends, a bit healthy reason and some ability to self reflect, you can indeed gain so incredibly much from it. At least that's how I feel and experience it. I'm really happy to have found the LJ comm, because I've found amazing friends here, and I'm really happy about that.

::nodnodnod:: true words. And talkative is good, it's good to hear your opinion. =)

[permetaform]

awww! heh, 'kay. =)

[kintail.livejournal.com]

And especially in fandom I'm not sure that our lj's could be thought of as a blog...

Very good point. I think the posts in my blog are about 50% sharing fanfic and drabbles, 30% squeeing or speculating about aspects of fandom, and 20% "real life" -- and the 80% fandom is usually more effective than an anti-depressant for me anyway. ~_^

[permetaform]

::nods:: the squee is wonderful and consuming, it's own form of therapy sometimes =)

[crossouttheeyes.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the pimping!

I've got them uploaded to my server to cover YSI link expiration.

Gaiden Ch. 09

Gaiden Ch. 10

[kokkoryuha.livejournal.com]

Yes. That's what I meant. Just... I write in circles instead of making my point straightforward. It's a curse of mine.

[crossouttheeyes.livejournal.com]

Ack! Wrong link for ch.9.

This one should work: Gaiden Ch. 09

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

For me, watching you is a lesson in living. You are so much more grateful for your life than I am for mine, and though our individual circumstances are different, we're alike in that we both have much to be grateful for. Yet I always find myself griping about what's going wrong in my life, rather than what ISN'T going wrong, much less what's going *right.* You're always an upper, and even in your more reflective or 'mentally cornered' posts, you exhibit an entirely different mentality toward facing your problems. Different than *what*, I couldn't really specify, but it's different. Often refreshing. And definitely not an ickle ball of depressedness.

An ickle ball of adorableness, sometimes. ^__^

the sky, today for the space of 2 hours, was blue like a fuck to the sight, clouds without shadows edged of silverlining

You don't want to know how trembly-exposed-vulnerable-jubilant that phrasing, "like a fuck to the eyes," makes me. God, Perma, how often you SING when you talk!! You know that? Often, and not even "once in a while," but a nice reliable *often,* you sing!

My sky was beautiful blue up until five pm, when it began sprinkling and the sky went graywhite; but in the transition period, for ten minutes, it was bright blue sky, cloudless, and sprinkling gently. Rain during sunshine. Don't the Japanese have a special wishmaking ceremony for that, or something?

At any rate, Perma, I ditto what the others said: I'm grateful for you. I have my own fandoms that make me cry, I occasionally find myself happy that I'm busy...but I rarely remember to use the word "grateful". *hugs* I remember when I'm around you. Thank you.

[nightengale.livejournal.com]

heh, "sometimes"? XD

[permetaform]

meh, it took me over 7 years to get myself out of the 'writing in circles' thing, and it never gets easier. ::headdesks::

[permetaform]

XD okay, good point!

[permetaform]

::SNOGS:: god, you ROCK.

[permetaform]

dude, you're so good for my ego ::wry facecovered giggles::

Rain during sunshine. Don't the Japanese have a special wishmaking ceremony for that, or something?

I think so...incidentally that's also one of my favorite weather-types, perhaps for it's rarity. =)

::hugs back::

[kintail.livejournal.com]

Ooo, baka_gaijin has also posted links for scanlations of chapters 16, 17, 18! (I've asked her about 15b also but haven't heard back yet.) You might want to share these with your readers as well?